Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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