Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
