can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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