i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
