somebody snuck up and got me drunk
...so i touched it.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
