I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
