i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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