What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The Olympian is in my bed
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
