the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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