I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
