She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
