The best revenge is premature balding
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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