he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
