I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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