Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
