I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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