It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
