you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
