there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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