Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
