She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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