p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
