I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
