There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
