This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You're like the curious george of whores
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
