somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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