dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
