I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
