don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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