Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
