did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
