everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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