HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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