Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
