i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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