"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Houston, we have a blender
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
