worst night to have a conscience
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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