porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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