im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
