just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
