Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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