I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
