i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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