They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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