Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
How's work?
Spinning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
