They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just invented taco cereal.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
