it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
