I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
