I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
