The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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