piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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