dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
