i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
