I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
